The Rollergiraffe on Mommy Shaming

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101 comments

  1. I love this post. I think mommies are too hard on themselves, generally. I’m not sure where all the guilt comes from. For me, probably from myself. I think this post is worth another FP. Love all the signs. They were fun to read, like a music video…Adorable pic with your kids at the end. They’ve got to be twins!

    1. Thank you! It was really fun to write. I fear I may have sniffed too much marker to have an intelligent response at this point, so I will just answer that yes, my boys are twins! Super fun. Also, I think that moms should just be cheering each other on all the time. Many do, but as a culture sometimes it feels like we’re too critical and that doesn’t sit well with me all the time.

      1. Yes, definitely! We should cheer each other on. Being a mom can be so hard, it’s the least we could do for each other. You’re awesome! I can tell just by looking at your kids.

  2. This was amazing. Your kitchen looks like mine except mine is messier. I also have a disabled dishwasher lying on the floor, which looks very feng shui or some other thing I don’t understand. The mommy wars are bullshit and this was brilliant.

    1. I had a toilet in my kitchen for a long time. No judgement here. I also didn’t show the panorama view of my kitchen which features crust on the stove from Thanksgiving dinner last week, which incidentally is also the last time I cooked.
      The mommy wars are bullshit and completely fabricated by Huffington Post and Time Magazine as far as I can tell. No real mom has time for that shit.

  3. Roller Giraffe,
    Hands down my favourite post in ages. Now may I have some of your large “post-it” to decorate my new office, with personalized messages?
    Le Clown

    1. I can make you a personalized one, Le Clown, like “Hi Fuckface!”. After all, you did point out my use of the F word in your brand spanking new Daily Post feature. That whole thing was amazeballs. I can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say.

  4. This was super-duper awesome. And just so you know, it took me about 53 seconds to read, so give yourself more credit.

    What I learned from this is two Spider-Mans are always better than one.

      1. Unicorns are awesome. I almost got a unicorn tat…but then I got older. I think it might have been one I didn’t regret though.

        1. Agreed, there’s a small period of your life where that might not be cool, but when you get older (ahem, not saying that anyone is of any advanced age here, just wisdom) you remember their beautiful irony again.

          1. Yeah, my dad has a Pegasus on the back of one shoulder and a Unicorn on the back of the other. He was in the Navy during Vietnam, so that tells you how much he didn’t want to be there.

            It is interesting though. I got my first one when I was around 21 or 22 and my last one at about 25 or 26. I got four in pretty rapid succession.After I hit 30 I kind of felt like they hurt a little too much for me anymore.

            1. Yes, find that things hurt for longer now. Or at least I have a bad case of Mme Weebs Crone’s disease and am thus averse to anything more than the mild discomfort of getting up for another cup of tea.

  5. My minivan is so bad, I don’t even want to think about it. Thank God the stray cats haven’t discovered it, as I’m sure there’s enough old food to keep them fed for weeks. Eew. Love this post!

    1. I worry about that a great deal; my zombie cat looks a little restless lately with the coming winter. I am sure the van filled with toddler debris looks pretty attractive to her right now.

    1. I think they’re teaching me to have one by way of survival strategery. And that marker has seen me through many rough times. I think it’s actually an undead marker because it precedes my own adulthood, yet it still provides the kind of quality marker high it did back in the mid-90′s.

    1. Carrie, I have seen you around and been reading you for a while.. I just haven’t hit the follow button for some silly reason. Glad you’re here! And thank you!

  6. RG this is a great post! I agree with you 100% and it was a lot of fun to read. Taking care of ourselves, having outside interests and not catering to every little request is how we raise kids who are not self-centred and lazy. Looks like you’ve got the right balance. Your boys are so cute in their Spiderman pj’s, btw.

    1. I hope so! Balance is really difficult to achieve, and I am sure my domestic partner would argue that I need to be a little more domestic at times (all the time), but I tend to believe that I should spend more time on things that nurture me rather than the futile attempt at keeping everything perfect.

  7. Love this post. Mommies have their own guilt gene. We’ve gotta learn to ease up a bit on ourselves. Agree with your point about daddies not being rubbish babysitters. My hubby is great with the kid. Guys need credit too

  8. Not only is there the mom guilt to deal with, but the mom judgement from other moms (or worse, from people who don’t even have children). I like to say that no one will empathize or hate you like another mom.
    I feared that no one else had crust on their stove from last year until now, so thank you for mentioning that, and for this post.

    1. That is true, and it’s hard not to internalize when you’re feeling insecure about your own parenting skills.
      As for the crust, well, I believe that if I have a thick enough coating on the inside of my oven it will result in better baking temperatures, right?

    1. Thank you! It was really fun to write. I have a hard time maintaining any level of seriousness, so I tend to undo all my good work with goofy things. I really appreciate you stopping by and reading.

  9. Loved this. Although I don’t feel like I can offer any further comment since I’m not a mom. However, mommy shaming is wrong. It’s got to be a hard enough job without having people pointing fingers at you.

    1. I am just grateful you’re here Weebs. I think there is actually a larger theme here of everyone just not judging each other over things that don’t really matter, not just parents. Everyone should just rock on with their bad selves, you know?

  10. Where were you when my kids were little? Wise woman, you are, very wise indeed. Thank you for seeing and saying things that are real and really important. I hope more people read your message and GET IT into their minds!

    1. I am not sure if it’s wisdom or just getting fed up with media that is constantly evaluating my skills, you know? I think it’s just time to change how we talk about parenting a little, and a lot of things for that matter. We tear each other down too much.

    1. Thank you! And welcome. I of course have seen you plenty over at Le Clown’s and I admire your voice.
      I have to give credit to my dear friend Rachel who pointed out that her husband is not a babysitter. It’s just such a weird thing we do to ourselves thinking that women are the main caregivers, when Dads are just as invested.

  11. After living a lifetime of mommy guilt and shame, to see this is an amazing affirmation. I bow in appreciation to Le Clown from Clown on Fire for sharing this on Facebook. Thank you for doing this.

    1. Oh that Le Clown, I don’t even want to get started on how much I owe that guy.
      Welcome, and thank you. This post was a response to a feeling that I have had for a long time about how much easier it would be to parent without all the judgement. It’s just so unproductive.

  12. What an incredible, creative, poignant and fucking spot-on post. There is nothing about it I didn’t absolutely love. Damn, wish I’d thought of it, you rock. Keep on doing what you do sister. Amazing.

    1. Why thank you Ms. Fulks. I had so much fun writing this one, and it’s a subject that’s been on my mind for a long time.. just a magic confluence of events. The response has been pretty fun today, and I thank you for chiming in.

  13. And here you were just freshly pressed? This one deserves it too! I love all the signs all over the place. And your kids are so freaking cute it’s killing me! And wow, you even got hubby to participate I’m impressed. Also, I totally agree with everything you said! I’m thinking of posting the essay Thing One wrote last year claiming I was her most admired person or something like that because I showed them youtube videos. Lol.

    1. Thank you Alice. This one was a LOT of fun to write. It was good to shake things up a bit. I am still not sure Mr. Giraffe knows entirely what was going on, but he’ll thank me one day, right?
      And that his hilarious about the youtube videos. I definitely think you should post that. Kids are the best material because they can’t post their own blogs yet.

    1. Thank you Jim! It’s a lot of work, but I like to make sure I say hello to everyone who drops by . Very cool that you came here at random. I will have to reciprocate and see what you’re up to as well.

  14. I just re-read this, and it makes my love you EVEN MORE.

    I think I should print it off and tape it to my wall so I can always be reminded that I’m not a crappy mom, and that I have good friends.

  15. Reblogged this on the rollergiraffe and commented:

    It’s been a rough week, folks. This parenting gig is hard shit sometimes, and we have had some doozies this week. Just this morning my dog ran away while the children were having a meltdown and then daycare continued it’s Fatwa on my parenting style (read: continual experiment in trying to get some sleep). I need a reminder that I am ok at this junk, and I suspect some of you do too.

  16. Hope all is well.

    And that you are continuing to set the standard of Mommy Awesomeness.
    (Also, I didn’t notice last time, but you have great penmanship.)

    1. Thanks Guaps. It’s been a tough week, so I had to congratulate myself for a few minutes. The penmanship is courtesy of my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Grisonich, who made me her personal cause. No left hander left behind.

  17. This is so, so amazing! I want to copy you and take pictures of stickies all over my house, because you are so awesome! It seems that mommy guilt and mommy shaming ate huge topics on the Internet right now and I’m glad to see so many people rejecting it. It is so destructive and it does nothing but make us all feel bad about ourselves.

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